And gently push my brain into thefreakspace ; that haunted house in your head that you won't go near or even look at
want to multiply
my skills -- to
PUSH experience, to give it life and to watch it spin. To wind
up the toy, it takes many many weeks and months of work. most times,,,
With any creation, talent is not what divides . The main divider is raw effort expenditure. , , , giving all of yourself to the goal... This really narrows the pool of people which exist in a craft at a certain level. and at that level, a second filter would be taste ,- one's ability to discern value internally and externally, passive judgement within meditation- to be thoughtful on clouds of thought , sensation and experience which pass you by-- deciding What gets stored, what gets thrown away; need a sharp eye to pan this massive river. Culture soup we pan for gold- that gold is the inspiration, vision, direction, and mindset to execute original creation
I am left slightly confused after videopix. Confusion in what is the right way to market oneself- How to gain traction or to tell others about a thing you've made. I think for the computer game, once it is ready for eyes on it in some capacity- I will try to take a more forceful approach . . I will shout at people walking by, im standing on a big rock or a electric box : 'LISTEN SHIT HEAD YOURE GOING TO PLAY MY PC GAME . . PLAY IT . . . NO COST JUST EXPERIENCE WHAT I WORKED ON , . ENJOY YOURSELF AND TELL A FRIEND'
The chemistry lab smell of designer drug. my kid brain on phenethylamines- imprint memory
I have felt inspired the past several weeks from the current project which I am quite excited about- It reminds me why I love to animate and why I love to make video. To make things which are a perfect mixture of retarded and remarkable . To showcase something spectacular which does not exist yet- which cannont exist unless you MAKE IT. That is in the top 3 reasons why i make anything at all. I dont even like calling art what it is. I dont like the label or the baggage that comes with being 'an artist' . even since elementary school I did not wear my creative energy on my sleeve. I kept it hidden, I thought that was way sicker. To be a secret agent of creation.
It gives you more power this way too, over yourself as an individual. Do not have to create self fulfilling prophecies - no shoes to fill and no box to squeeze in. Maybe we don't step back enough to think about what boxes we have squeezed into as we've navigated our lives thus far- Humans are liquid machine - god has given locomotion and sensation not for static fulfillment of expectation. Affecting and exciting others is the byproduct of your own self-affectation. The awe you feel inside is what is first- The momentum of inspiration is what creates the work - The observer is you; a great big audience of 1. Another's affectation is external to you, and filtered by the conduct of culture- subjectivity,- words of praise, verbal expression of appreciation. This is dirt compared to one's internal satisfaction. A feeling that grows as you chip away on your mission and reach whatever heights you dream to.
I have a really vivid sequence of action in my head for the last 2 weeks that I have been replaying in my head and scribbling on papers - preparation before I dive in to animate it in my 3d viewport. I really want to nail everything in the shot- I have it planned as the first main shot with the characters and setting- So I have to make it ROCK. Or else... !
The past year for me has been a rigging exploration , techniques , best ppractices, portability, comfort (for the animator,,, me) , the ins and outs of workflows- I learned a lot and built upon my knowledge. After it all I gotta say,,,,, I like animatiing more than I like rigging.,,, but I still like rigging.... But I really really HATE dealing with porting skeletons between software. Its frustrating and tiresome - because I animate my deform bones like a mad man sometimes and that is not a good thing when you have to bring those bones elsewhere....
I've gotten Some Really cool e-mails in my mailbox the past month. I'm sorry I haven;t been quick to respond to anything- time moves around me at lightspeed sometimes - But it lights up my mood , no ands ifs or buts. to chat or glance at a friendly human being reaching out/responding. I do sometimes need to be in my bubble of creation though, which is why I find it hard to be "public" in any capacity when I am shifted into a gear which requires a bit of isolation and total dissolve. float on the ocean ,, isleep on the water
I picked up software this month - Im going to see how I like Clip Studio Paint . I am specific with how I work on my raster animation- I like things Barebones- dont need video or sound- no bloat- needs to be bullet proof. I will try to use and learn this month, so that i can share my thoughts and experiences
I've Got to get
back to my project ,so , Peace for now - Jack