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November / 2022

Structures of play: a deep subject to tackle, A large mixture to think over-
The solutions to MOST development hurdles are not on the vine ripe for the picking- the answers lie deep underground hidden amongst the roots-
This is one time tackle sink that I've experienced so far working on this project- some challenges take quite a bit of energy to encapsulate, process, solve, test, rework, and finally,  implement; this circle of life of the roadblock is certainly an example where endurance in this marathon is exceptionally important- sprinting is important, but energy must be spread across days and weeks in order to follow this time test proof cycle- This applies to art, this applies to animation- character design, environment design, game design… narrative structure, plot points and resonating beats within the epic project at hand.

Feedback output which clicks lock and key alongside prior and future feedback;

Planning becomes essential to find shared success with vision- something I noticed was not as essential when dealing with a film project on my own . In cinematics, the time to implementation is relatively short from the moment the mind illustration is conceived - a rough playblast could be ready within the day, most times. With game project, not so simple! This is because I have a team on this project, it is not just me who plans preps and pushes- There must be an always active element of communication and functional work

The shared pipeline exists within both sniper scope and wide angle; a dynamic which succeeds from trust in each other's goals and vision- belief in the party, to execute as the team swims forward

Layered Being

Cannot grasp with clear vision whether I have or have not embraced myself in a head-lock for 1 year + . Hit the mat grapple withi the trick Ego sensei 

I don't think it is as simple as a manMade-Sabatoge mission to the Star. I think it is more complex, my life on this time arrow- I look inward and see myself slicing down some forks on some roads- whatever these road is middle of no where it feels like it sometimes man for certain
. I Make sure to give my best. to give my active and most concentrated mind towards the greater good of my work my temple my peers and my earth. The habitat is the church The Eye is the Priest and I am that Son of the bitch on a mission to put my body ofLife work on show for no 1 in particular - but because I like it and I know what is true and what this life is worth living for. To get up and climb slow up at the 90 degree Pitch Mountain Peek

Half the time the computer game makes me feel like a lunatic for even trying- the other half the time I feel unwavering confidence in it and my chance to put on a real grand band stand performance for a big huge audience. That is thrilling, to show off something Wicked something not along the every day path. Something that is taking all of me A to Z to get onto that Printing press.

None of it would be where it is without my friends and coconspirators ,, 2 of the most insane, blood-thirsty code-freaks on this side of Interstate 8.  my excitement and my enthusiasm, without the team I feel lucky every day. to have on board the ship on this Mariana's Trench james cameroon Salt water submarine sea dive. An unbreakable crew and a 2Liter of 7-up to curb Scurvy

Pretty stoked that almost nobody has explicitly asked me to break down what it is exactly that I am trying to make here- Because I do speak in tongues even to my angel twin , I cannot tell I lie oh no I cannot to him my own blood and flesh

It s like a adventure game Ok. Its like a halo 3 custom game lobby and your high off Robuttusin and its Friday night - that's the Ticket

The reason I feel slight unrest is because of mind games- always is. because over this past year I have learned many new things, practicing and implementing technique and style which I must remember I was not able to perform before the time was sacrificed for the skill sharpening- the time feels far away, not my own anymore, running from me faster than I've ever seen that old dog go.. That is the time which I have invested - you see, I am betting all odds on the old dog watch him go. He can bring home 1st Prize, have to let him sprint, have to have that faith init, and sit patiently at the track and trust the race is in his hands. He is the dog which I apply my full attention, all the love I am able, honest and careful tending until he's got to go run free on the earth elsewhere. Leaveing the old Home here at Castle Jack , out in the cold, alone and shedding the mass he enjoyed while he was a comfortable resident- made sure to keep him well fed and happy- but out there,  til he's nothing but skin and bone, He's got to find another Master, as that is what the cycle of this life and these arts and these artists need to be upheld - the laundry being spun and the machine shaking on a late-stage Cycle in the early afternoon . We all have to step away for periods of time to train inside the Dojo , to melt and reshape our head- to sharpen theonly blade we have. theOnly sword Iknow

I could see myself owning a motion capture arena for sure. Once I am a billionare that is.. Well I used to think motion capture was corny but Then I realized something.  I was only seeing what I believed was true- the untreated modern Mocap crap which I was being exposed to, which you see a lot and hard to watch for me

BUT after closeing my eye and careful analysis of the facts- I have come to realize that some of my favorite CG media, I have realized that some of my pillars of what I see as the BOMB TOP ,, used motion capture to its fullest advantage- and many others like it and adjacent to the work during that time and onwards

Resident Evil 2 - Behind the Scenes [Making of]

That made me say oh shit- Never become a old stubborn human or else you will never evolve past that stubborn state. I love those cutscenes, that CGi !

     Trop cooll

another piece of media,

    " Straight from Belgium, the original home of comic books"

This is Belgium cool, injected into your blood stream

I don't think my mind would feel as inspired or ready-for-action if I didn't take this past year to train inside the dojo. To step away from the light and do my thing as best as I can. To build and to plan the future, the mission, the plan

There are a lot of angles to approach the future, and attacking the thing which one most desires. The things which one wishes to accomplish, to see fruit from seed. The plan has to be flexible and ever-changing- the pressure cannot be crushing, and the ego must accept that things take time to take shape- people take time to grow into form, as do ideas and visions

Even with the work put into the road I'm on going as smoothly as could possibly go, the fact is that things take time and the road is long- the sooner one accepts this fact, the better off they will be

On Stepping out of The Spotlight:

To go underground as I have for the past year- As much as I have experienced isolation, exhaustion, uncertainty, and self-defeat, I have also felt freedom, accomplishment, understanding, independence, and a trust in myself and my teammates to make a vision reality

The isolation comes from my own drive to pursue my goals as a monk on a mountain might embark on a journey of self-realization. To cancel outside influence and pressures, and to test my own taste and vision against the world which exists outside my domain. I desire to draw water from my own well, and to share that water with the external once it has been bottled for drinking. I fear falling prey to outside influence on my work and on my dreams- . The activity outside of my peripheral vision is beautiful, but I really wish to mine the language ore inside my head before I miss the chance.

Exhaustion comes from my own never-ending dream to reach my tall goals, my self-expectations- My desire to think differently and make sure my mind is functioning on its own wavelength. My efforts to do everything I've dreamed of and to visualize and convey it in the vehicle I've chosen to drive. And to execute it wisely, thoughtfully, and fully.

Uncertainty is the devil feeling- A devil pulling you away from the path you've embarked on, telling you things like "not good enough"
"this sucks"
"this is exactly what you feared you would become"
"this is the easy way out"
"looks like shit"
"maybe this won't work at all"
Self-defeat lives close-by to the devilish uncertainty of one's work. If you let the uncertainty and trepidation overtake you, the defeat inside feels heavy like a wet blanket and you feel lost and aimless, worse off than you were before you ever tried. What a god-awful feeling that is, and I don't have the 1 true answer against it when it creeps up on me.

One tactic is to move through the liquid time with your head high above your shoulders and your goal to make art and to make your vision as strongly as you are able- There should be no room for uncertainty or defeat as long as you push thoughtfully ahead with hard work and aspirations you can see in your field of view. The aspirations should live inside and the external should not be in focus.

I find this approach harder to realize when I work on a team, as I do have to face the reality of judgement and "best-course" during the decision making and attack on the goals and project. When alone, it is easier to ignore the reality of judgement, the reality of "best-course". The only course which matters is inside the mind and you can confidently shut out the external naggings of a reality which constantly pulls me back to shore.

I am not front-facing with my work;, the processes, the toil. Closed door development - the processes and practices all twist into 1, :: , the spectacle-the showcase- the performance- the experience. I put focus into the illusion, the slight of hand. I hope you understand and will bear with me as I weaponize the processes of my mind-

im going to be making Bill gates money once I get these ideas inside my head outside my head =)