An eQuestion from Tanner:

You mention the workload and what you could get done with a full team of animators/artists. Do you think you will get to a point where you could do a project like that?

     The hope is to assemble a team to make larger creations; The bottleneck for me right now is my time. That is what gets in the way. In order to be a functioning human being, one must get at least 7 hours of sleep+ Physical activity+ a bit of Leisure time+Social interactions+meals. The rest can technically be dedicated to the craft, if you are also able to make a living from this craft.. regardless, If you neglect the above areas, you will be less likely to apply yourself as fully to that craft. This creates a delicate balance of work. This balance is thrown off when the work consumes the individual out of passion and excitement. But there are consequences. I dont think we should strive to be unhealthy, nor burn the candle too brightly. I think that in order to make better and larger works, We ultimitely have to combine our time pools into a dedicated project. Meaning, the work is spread, as is the time given to tasks on an individual level. The work is spread more evenly. Ideally, the people working together share the passion, so the work speaks loudly from this combined effort. Nothing is lost from taking the control away from the sole individual (in a perfect world).

     I do hope to lead or gather a small team some day to make something awesome. To at least experience the work in a setting where collaboration, communication, and teamwork will be key. I like to think it would result in some amazing work.

     A running joke among my friends and neighbors IRL is that I will soon be relocating Out west to open up the World 4 Development Studio and that Anyone and Everyone i speak to is welcome to come on board. The best part is that the implementation and proceedings of excecuting the idea is expanded on and taken quite seriously as part of the joke. But deep down, I do dream of it becoming reality. But I would never let that seriousness destroy the joke. So in a way, it is not like I long for this step to occur, but the idea of something like it happening are not so foreign as to take me by surprise or cause apprehension if the opportunity ever arose. This is a very comfortable attittude and approach to the unknown. Make it all 1 big joke til its no longer a joke and it is just how it is. Im not sure if this applies to all areas of life. Im pretty sure this works for getting girlfriend though

Also you say full video game development will start at a milestone. Does the vision you have for your art lie in Film or Videogames?

The vision and passion lies in film- I see videogames as a challenge to tackle and try my best at. But ultimitely, expression to a viewer is best (imo) expressed through film. Video game can be powerful in a different way. It bounces the expression of the player right back at them. that can be powerful, and this leaves lasting impressions that could hold more weight to the player/viewer, because to them, they have created the imprint of the experience. The feedback loop will imprint their actions and mark them as meaningful, if they are able to find pleasure or wonder in the work itself (immersed). This feedback of player and interface is something not found in film. Sure I can project myself into the film I am watching, and that is powerful. But a game offers a pretty unique way of expression and experience creation. it is something i would like to explore.

 rungs of the Railroad Made of my memories

Feb21 21

     Hell yes man! I have finished the Project!! It has been a long couple of weeks- I have experienced a feeling that is strange- I will do my best to explain my feeling..

     When I work on the projects that are my children, my brain children; there is no stress- there is no worry or fear of expectation ,, pleasing others does not factor into the work, The work is made solely to express something I want to express- visualize a thing into existence- Grind away at it until the flower is bloomed- the crops are grown. I challenge myself to do things with skills I have, or have yet to learn and must embark upon the knowledge to get to where I want to be. That challenge is powerful. The obstacles, I feel fortunate to take on. The difficulty is a battle of the mind and you, me , anyone can overcome any pursuit if they face it with honesty and dedication. Honesty to yourself- be real with yourself. Do not make sure to walk at a baby's pace, but also do not take on something much too large to be tackled at all. You must find that balance by trying, failing, repeating, and coming out the other side with perserverence and a will to fail again.

     I want the work to be nothing besides the thing it is- I do not want it to stand for something I do not want it to represent something else besides what I made. I just dont care about any B.s.. a lot of times i feel like a stranger in real world,, detached from everything outside my head. like all i care about is inside my head. i do Not mean self relection- kind of like exploring behind the mirror;;;; beyond "me" . beyond "i", there is alleyways tunnels railroad tracks made from memories and experiences and friends, foes, troubles, desires of the past. Things that are not me, but have been collected and packed along for the ride (against my will! no one asked if I wanted to start a memory collection. Now at age 25 it is about the size of a small town's library. someday it will be a large temple). Mix this space, with the ability and the willingness to apply skill to a craft or medium in order to express things.

     These thoughts above get me very excited to CREATE things!! And be free while I do so. Free to throw the whole thing in the fire if I so choose. I won't... but i could. and there is no consequence. That is freedom and bliss to me. Makes me at ease to think about.

     I been thinking a lot about Westerns lately. But ive never seen any of the classic western films that i hear about. If you have a favorite or 1 you could recommend to me, send me an email please. i dont trust imdb ever since they removed the forums (wtf were they thinking)


the Sun isson 1 Big Tripod

Feb.13 21

     no good, no bad, there only is - I think about this when I face difficult obstacles. Displeasure is powerful. Before facing the challenges, the over-thinking stage and the hesitation stage- That is the most uncomfortable part for me. But I do find a conquer/conquest type of emotion when I am in that spot and soldier through it despite the apprehension to knowingly dive into discomfort. the displeasure that monks throughout history have endured to find "oneness" is an extreme, but what a trip to imagine

     This year I am going to try my very best to avoid using digital screens and displays in my work- The history of  cinema and narratives did it without screens used for plot progression. and themes like interfaces and programming can be absolutely applied into the animations of other, non-digital things. That is a bit of the puzzle for me now, though, and feels a bit like "new territory"; one example could be the construction of a large building- from breaking ground for foundation to the glazier installations at the 50th floore. The process could be showcased in a span of 10 or 20 seconds, with the slick, well-oiled tendencies of some of my more polished UI animation. The vehicles unloading the materials, the builders like ants welding and constructing. A crane that lifts heavy material to the incremental floors, wound like clockwork. All the pistons and hammers and lifts dancing like orchestra violinist bows- A construction symphony is how it looks in my mind

     In boston we have the big dig tunnel. It was the mission to put the highway over pass underground, and replacing the aboveground land with stretches of park and pedestrian pathway. The project completed in 05 or something, a decade after it began.  like a billion+ dollars were
spent on the project.... any ways- the tunnels had those orange lights in them, the super saturated and warm lamps that line the interior walls/.. being a kid and feeling a warp tunnel/portal/gate passage feeling when driving through the big dig tunnels (1.5 miles long). i have a collection of very powerful visual memories from the drives through the tunnels. I encourage you to dig through your early memory and find something visually interesting- something with weight- and maybe make a project out of it. Use it as a component to a larger idea, or as its own dedicated piece, or just as inspiration from within. I am finding my amber-lit tunnel drives to be a powerful force in my current visual project and Maybe diving deep into the attic of your mind will help you along somehow too.

Peace out and enjoy the weekend- jack

The Velocityof Mr. time 

Feb.9 21

     I like the winter - I like the harsh weather and the challenges that it brings, physically and mentally. if I was ancient human it would suck i bet a lot more. but it feels like it is in my DNA to survive and exist with a harsh winter and then feel the spring time and a long summer with a brain that really appreciates the comfortable seasons. Its crazy man. Every summer just a cool breeze and a setting sun makes me feel touched by a god - a happiness and comfort with existing and being- getting dipped in mental honey,,,

      Got a new book- COrmac recommended the novel to me. 1Q84 by the author Haruki Murakami- I ordered it online, arrived the other day. THis NOVEL IS THE SIZE OF MY HEAD BROTHER YOU DIDNT TELL ME THIS WAS 1,000,000 PAGES
Im excited to dive in regardless
Submitted a few sections of videopix to an artist grant submission thing for my state (Massachusetts). I hope the judge or whatever is left more confused than before watching. I hope there is at least a SLIVER of intrigue on their mind,. i picture a 70 year old thinking it is a bit of footage captured from a video game and discarding the entry

     Animating human walking and "gait" is a wicked tedious affair. Im about to start a series where everyone is justa fucking ghost so i dont have to animate any walks . the walk feels like such a means to the end, when I'm working. I just want them to get from A to B to focus on the actual action or gesture or thought or motion, rather than the "fluff" which is the walk. I m gona make a GHOST SHOW (i refuse to make a ghost show)
i like to animate characters running though. More excciting visually
I want to find peace with my new computer mouse - but it is cramping my hand a bit. I am coming from the Microsoft Sculpt ergonomic mouse and if you can imagine a large apple. and if you cut the apple in half. Then put a scroll wheel at about 45degrees from the bottom flat- that is what that mouse is. And it morphed my hand to only accept the fruit shape mouse. Now i endure this wrist adjustment pain- For those extra buttons man. The shortcuts are god mode

     I've been incredibly busy each day, and I can not wait to get through this project to have a moment to rest. This is a bit different, it is work for hire- similar to the Melodi short, in nature, but this is an animated narrative to accompany a song. I have completed about 65-70% of the work. The beginning of the animation will be reworked at the last stage of the project, because I want it to start really good--by the end of working on a character driven narrative, I am really comfortable with the rigs and can animate much more seamlessly, with a stronger connection between envision and result. the project is a huge task for me to do in this relatively short time and I want to make it the best I possibly can,.
It is really easy to make a suck ass music video, I think. I love a good music video though,,, I miss when music vids were on TV and being a kid, that was a mad treat

      Got two questions here in my inbox that I am going to do my best to answer:

1.  when you view a "past" creation of yours, how great is that degree of separation for you? Do you identify with it at all, for lack of a better word? Or is it viewed from a more dissociated perspective as one of the many creations that others have made? how does your reaction change to the works as time passes ?

      my answer lies in the time-span context,

      After completing a project, and publishing the final draft- I will watch it over a few times, and Really get to enjoy the work I put in. I would say this is the most "glowing" feeling I am able to draw from viewing the work I create. My brain lights on all cylinders and i feel ecstatic and proud to have finished and given my All, into something that is absolutely mine and that I believe in and wouldnt have any other way. After several weeks, this glow diminishes, slightly, as I am able to see more clearly things I would adjust or repair or polish within the work., This is natural, and does not feel "bad" to me, but feels motivating and invigorates me to keep going and try harder and build my skills. to go bigger and shoot higher with concepts and ideas and raise thee bar a bit higher.

     a month or so goes by and i am neck-deep into my next project and the last thing i want to do is watch any work of mine- Not because I dont like it, But because i have already taken what I need from it and have set myself on a course beyond it. I do not reject the work wholly, but accept that I must reject it somewhat for the time being in order to enjoy it more later on.

     After several months pass, It will be like meeting with an old friend. Seamless laughs and mannerism exchange- Fondness and a positive memory of the time i shared with that work. The viewing ends without remorse or regret, but a satisfaction that I have met and became acquainted with that idea/project./ A hug and a good bye from me.

     When the work is from 10 or more years ago, I can still project into the headspace I had at the time while making it- why I made it and how I felt when making it- But i struggle to remember the exact details of actually making it on the technical or physical level.
videopix is such a blur there is so much there that I had to do, that the specifics of some scenes surprise me on rewatch. Like- Oh yeah, I animated that?

2. when it comes to your creative process, how much of it is broken into intentional proactive structure vs. a more fluid, temperamental way of being. from "i'm going to sit in this chair" down to "i'm going to complete this project" if that makes sense. how has your approach evolved ?

     I need a notebook and a real bold gel pen for beginning stages. Writing my thoughts, drawing my thoughts- Sleeping on these thoughts and expanding on the thoughts to grow them,. LIke watering a house plant. You dont see it growing in front of your eyes but over time and if you continue to water and nurture the thoughts and ideas, with a sharp mind and body to determine the best flow chart course to take with the layers of ideas and things you begin to collect in your head and on paper.  The vision for an idea, you "catch" the passing thought in your net and put it in a jar, if it is really neat. The ideas I collect grow from small pieces of silly thought or pattern or movements or memories , which then can be added to the cache network of good ideas. These ideas MUST get linked together. That is the mindset I like to have. It turns me into a crazy man . kind of./ I can really get to some odd places when I make it into a days long battle to link ideas together cohesively. I will lose sleep over it some times because it haunts me to connect the ideas into a somewhat logical state. I dont ever like to miss sleep, and find sleep and exercise to be absolutely crucial to the creative powers of anyone. I find intense aerobic movement gives me clarity to spark ground-level ideas. also makes me happy (a-good-mood-dude).

     From their, I make a mega-brainstorm of the visuals I want to make to create the thing. I write down everything that I want to visually represent. Second pass mega-brainstorm paper will consist of the techniques or workflows I will go about using to create that visual, or that scene, or that mood. Things that will require a few pieces of software to get looking right (or at least, what I imagine is "right") will get special attention. Anything 2d will require style and line/color detail on this second brainstorm. The cg elements from the brainstorm will get their own new outline, detailing every aspect of the workflow. Texturing, modeling, Rigging. I try to be very thorough with detailing the work required so I can be somewhat efficient,,, This is all the prep work, which leads me to the animation stages. Thats the real trip. if this brainstrom-outline-workflow process takes a month or more for a single project concept, I am DYING to get to the animation stage by that point. Thats what i really like, is making it all come to life. Building it and getting it all to Look butter and making my machines run Like mothers is a lot of fun for me too though. Very satisfying. it is equally comforting to know that there is plenty of room in the medium for growth and experimentation. It is a bit maddening, though, the work involved. But I like that. Gives me drive

     earlier, smaller projects- were more off the cuff.--- " im gona make this thing!"" *16 year old me at 4pm on a sunday afternoon*  --10 hours later-->  this is way more work that I ever even thought possible by 1 human Im gona finish what Ive got and be smarter about it next time , (repeat cycle , inifinity, getting a bit better at respecting the scale and scope of my abilities and willingness to throw myself at larger tasks, "game-ifying" the aspects of proper planning and pre-production)

     Love the questions, they help me to express myself and how I do things better than if I were to just write without a bulletin
if you have a question or several for me to answer on here, email me. or if you just want to talk or send a note,, that is always  cool too

     PEAACE - Jack

3:2 Stretched To 16:9 is The True Golden Ratio

tree-1 Jan21

     Many many talented, smart, and driven individuals will never recieve widespread audience or acclaim.But I hope some day their work will be enjoyed by many eyes or ears. I hope we can have every bit of artwork published to the web archived, for people of the Future to look back on and find beauty, strangeness, wonder, charm,...

     Here is a A little problem to solve For the 21st century artist:
The act of Advertising your work is energy taken from the process of Creation. The effort made to network pulls your brain farther away from its unique, isolated mode of individual operation

     This is the unfortunate truth. Marketing yourself and your work is exhausting, and a full time job on its own, without even considering the massive time and energy it takes to make the thing. This is a hard truth- to me, at least, it became very clear that I was not going to waste my time with it from the beginning. Any time I tried to share on the web, at the start especially, I felt like I was selling myself out. It felt not-right, Like It would be better that no one knows about my work and it exists on its own- than some dummys who wont even care much about it to give it a internet star point or whatever,, From then on, I decided to NOT do it like that, and only care about getting the work uploaded as an archive for me and friends.

     I grew to really enjoy presenting the work to friends and family as I was making it. Reaching an audience is challenging, and is not really a factor for the vids to be successful (i make for me, and anyone who likes them too) . It is exciting to present the work to just my small circle of friends and have a "release" ready for them to watch,,, I want to make them laugh and get excited about the dumb thing
If the work you are making has merit in its quality and purpose, then an audience will form around it. Especially if you are a cool human beingg that knows what is up

     I like most about the work, this way, is its freedom to do what it wants. I make what I want to see and what would be cool. I learn the things necessary to see the vision through. And I don't think about where I will market it or who will watch it while doing so. I don;t care about that. I care about learning and practicing whatever it will take to make interesting visual art that I want to see and that I got to project out from within!

peace- jack

2 Mailbox Questions:

Question 1. How close do you think you are to really polishing your own unique style with your work (how close are you to expressing as accurately as possible what's in your mind through animation or other creations?) I believe we are all artists within our minds, and the measure of a "great" artist is how accurately and seamlessly that artist can externalize the creation within them.

     This has been a quest for many years- and I often wonder if it will ever be fully possible to project it as accurately as I envision in my mind's eye. There comes a point with creating visual where you are mentally exhausted and it becomes difficult to further polish the presentation any more than what has already been done. This "limit" is something I run into quite frequently; Mostly because of the larger scope I like to aim for with my projects. I release a piece of work with complete awareness of its faults and flaws and I have found it most beneficial to output the work, and put the self-criticisms into my pocket for the next piece of work that I will make. I choose to not let works sit and rot on a hard drive or project file for too long. Life is too short for this, I have concluded,,, If this means the work presents itself as less polished for now, that is okay. But I think the message comes across to others that I wish to amend the lack of polish in future endeavor

     I dream of pure expression of my thoughts and mind,, With the bridge between viewer and creator almost invisible (the seamless, fluid qualities of a piece. There are many aspects to this:. An inherent slickness to the work. An unspoken self-awareness. A silent nod between the viewer and creator, that exists as a part of the work itself.) I need to better explain these thoughts even to myself, by writing more on this connection that I know know know is possible/ and know know know is powerful.

     Because I am 1 human, there are limitations on time and scope, absolutely
1 "issue" with 2d animation is that it must be heavily abstracted if you were to do a piece of scale by yourself
1 "issue" with 3d is the raw complexity of the medium that requires massive time and skill to produce works.

     I noticed a comment on videopix, describing the style as "maximalist". This is actually exactly what it is, to me. It is me using the closest abstraction to something real, with a workflow that is possible for 1 man. While allowing the freedom and flexibility to abstract where necessary, and "cement" back to realistic when necessary. I think The style I use grows from limitation, but with meticulous and thoughtful energy placed into its presentation as well.

Question 2.) what sort of mindset helps you more - a no pressure approach of like "whatever i make might suck but that's ok, i'm going to make what i want to make" or a more driven approach of "i'm going to be the best (fill in the blank) there is and defy all norms, etc." or a combination of both?

     I think the combination of both and the balance between them is essential. There is a harmony to be found here. Existing on both ends of the spectrum is possible, because I think that I do exist day to day on both poles. they do not push and pull one another. I don't know how I ended up balancing these mind states. But I have found a sweet spot,,

     Maybe something like this:
Im going to make what I want to see and what makes me excited, with zero thought put towards what others desire, all while being the best at doing it on multiple levels and playing fields, so That it can exist as a work I can be proud of on a universal level (externally as well as internally)

      Ultimately, I desire to be proud of my work. Internally proud, rather from external acceptance or recognition. If I am proud of it, then I have won. Nothing else is necessary. But I set the bar very high for myself, and the standards nearly unattainable... By consequence, I have found that I receive a more natural and appreciative response to the work.

So I want to say thanks to everyone who reads and watches cuz you guys rule and you are essential to this puzzle mystery That I wish to assemble. PEACE - Jack

The boy, the Dream, the Journey


Are you warm and do you feel safe here? ... . this is blog page 2. the old blog page got too big

Like a detective's bulletin board with all the case files- That gets put into a manilla folder once they apprehend that killer, to be filled again with leads and tangents on a separate but equally important focus.

I have gotten my hands on five new books,,,. Three of them are books on animation- Reading an animator's perspective on core concepts is always a treat/ The other 2 books are Rainbow Six strategy guides. I Love the thumbnail screen shot images that paint each page.

When I was a kid I had the strategy guide for Animal Crossing: Wild World. I loved that guide. The small thumbnails of the game were very saturated from the color printing on the magazine style glossy pages.... It was like I was playing the game when looking through the guide some times. Like it made me happy and relaxed, as did the game. I would wake up at 5 AM before school and play for 2 hours;

I don;t play many video games these days but I am interested in creating one. I have a
lot of creations, but a game will require me to make many of the creations from scratch; which is okay, but I understand the large scope involved and I have to clear my calender before serious work begins. In all of my work now, since making the initial demo, I create models as if I had to bring them into a game engine- I am mostly speaking about the texture work; I will create a 1024x1024 "atlas" of all the textures I need for a prop or environment, with modifications for specific use-case-and then use that large image canvas as a single material rather than having 17 different materials, each with their own image texture. This is a best practice workflow, and I have grown to like it more than my old way (which was horribly unorganized, and has led to many blend files with missing texture data)

I have one large animation project at the moment that is occupying my focus,. and I have recently grown to enjoy this 1. And then a smaller project that I am chipping away at/ then I have my personal project too. But everything I make, I have to bring it close to my core or else I will be miserable. External work is good, but I am pretty upfront with the other party like hey,,, if we are going to make something, Im gona go silent for a few weeks while I work and expand the idea in my head and output as I go. Things take on a mind of their own- it is a flow state I am quite fond of, but it requires me to focus on very little besides the task at hand/ It is a quick thinking, shotgun interpretation, solution-churning, leap frog idea interpretive dance as I chip away at the rock face of work.

Planning your attack and strategy guide is critical for this to work though- Because in order for the on-the-fly changes to work, you first need a solid framework to bend and melt. If the concept was not laid out, creating meaningful gear shifts is not as dynamic or easy. without the base, more "random", less cohesive , which is Okay, but not what I aim for. I like to warp transform my existing ideas. cohesion embedded in the warping. And you can;'t really do that if you dont have the idea yet

I look forward to the future; I am thankful for all human brain power. I think it is good that we have brains

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